Galway Giants 2011 /12

Galway Giants 2011 /12

The Galway Giants made a late yet triumphant return on the galway six a side soccer scene. An injection of fresh blood mixed with vast quantities of experience overpowered a hapless 'Shower of cuntasoiri'

The game got off to a positive start with experienced giant, Adrian Coyne casually banging in a goal from a distance of over a yard. A trawl through historical galway giant documentation has identified this as the shortest range finish from any giant. Wow, what a performer.

Giant Adrian Mannion soon got in on the act with a cool finish after some great approach play. 2-0 and the giants are hitting the ground running. Seasoned giant, Lord Michael Brett arrived late (he needed to evict some poor people from one of his properties, 'poor f***ing scum' he was heard muttering as he made his entrance to the pitch). These distractions had no effect however on Giant Brett, as within minutes of taking the field he powered in a shot passed the goalkeeper. 3 - 0 and the giants are cruising. Giantastic!!!

Giant Mannion soon proved that his feat of top goalscorer last season was no fluke, when he latched on to a pass and poked the ball cooly into the back of the net. 4-0, Giantiriffic!!! Then giant Brett's mazy dribble ended in another goal. Newcomer, Giant John Regan, taking a rest on the side of the field was heard to say 'Wow, he's only one man.... but what a man!' 5-0 and the giants in complete control. Giantilicious!!!

What happened next still remains a mystery to the galway giants. The giants slowly began to see their handsome five goal lead slip away. A well worked goal by 'Shower of Cuntasoiri' brought the game to 5-1. Shortly after Giant Coyne was in the process of clearing the ball away from his own penalty area when a simultaneous call from all 6 other giants was heard, 'Adrian, try and chip the ball over the striker and start one of your trademark high speed counterattacks that usually end in you or one your teammates scoring a goal, or coming close to scoring a goal with a well placed shot or header.' Needless to stay Giant Coyne had too much respect for his fellow giants to ignore such a simultaneous call, and against his better judgement he tried to chip the ball over the oncoming striker, only to see his chip intercepted where the oncoming attacker was left with the simple task of slotting the ball past the keeper, Giant Barry Murphy...bad giants...very bad giants. 5-2

Casual play in the Giants defence let the opposition in for another before half time. 5-3 and the giants are shook.

Stern words from spiritual leader, Giant Kieran Coffee were uttered at half time. Giant Coffee and new Giant, Gavan O'Brien were the man mountains that stood between the giants and utter annihilation at the back. Their no nonsense brand of hard hitting tackles, enthusiastic tracking back, crunching headers and utterly aimless passing out of defence were a sight to behold. Fuelled by his powerful performance, Giant Coffee laid into his giants 'How dare yee let these Portumna f***ers come down here and out-hurle us in our own patch?' That said it all.

With Coffees words still ringing in their ears, the giants took to the field. Like a fine wine, Coffees words took time to mature, as giants fell asleep at the back to let the opposition in again. 5-4. Giantaholics.

The equaliser came soon after. Keeper, Giant Barry Murphy who at this stage had put in a monumental performance with up one saves to his his name, let his concentration slip as wayward pass out of defence was intercepted, squared and tapped into Murphy's vacated goal. The team all gathered round giant Murphy to console him on such a horrible effort, when, to their communal disgust they discovered Giant Murphy finishing his now long running conversation with his newly found She-Devil girlfriend..'yeah baby girl, i love you too..relationships are the way forward'.

The giants needed time to 'be themselves and centre', but alas before they could, Giant Coffee put the ball past his own keeper, after stetching a long leg at a ball. Keeper, Giant Murphy taken completely out of the game by a passer asking if that was in fact was an iphone, with giant murphy explaining 'it's practically free on an 18 month contract with just 18 easy payments of €59.99'.
5-5. Giantmageddon!!!

The giants fell behind soon after to a well worked goal. 5-6. It's all fallen apart.

6-6. He's done it. Giant Coyne has beaten his own record by driving in a ball from half a yard. He's breaking records like nobodys business. Giantrageous!

A collection of ten one minute tense periods followed each other, one after the other. Giant O'Brien chose this most tense time to prove himself to his fellow giants (and father figure Giant Coyne) and weld the bonds to his new found team-mates and in his words 'my new best friends' by leading from the back with smart assured defending, dominating the skies with his gangly frame. Giant O'Brien had eased his way into the game after appearing earlier on like a bit of a rabbit caught in the headlights. Indeed Giant O'Brien was heard to utter the words 'Is that a rabbit in the headlights?' several times on the way to the game, sending a wave of alarm through the fellow giants in his travelling party. Giant O'Briens early confusion can however be attributed to the fact that the Tuam native wasn't wearing his trademark glasses (not quite Bono trademark glasses, think more 'Paul' from 'the wonder years' trademark glasses). However Giant O'Brien in conjunction with Giants Coffee and Murphy ensured no more goals went into the giants net for the rest of the game, leaving the giants considerable attacking talents to flaunt their stuff.

Giant Mannion soon got on the end of a through ball after great work by giants Regan and Brett however in front of an open goal he dragged his shot left and wide of the post. Giant Mannion was clearly still upset following an early incident involving a player from a neighboring pitch retrieving a football, who after laying his eyes upon fire haired mannion, asked 'Are you the ginger one from the sex and the city?'

Needless to say the giants manned up and moved on, with the stage set for new giant John Regan to make the telling contribution of the game. Giant Regan who ran to the game from his city centre home performed the unusual ritual of running a lap of the pitch each time the ball went out of play, proclaiming he would tighten up if he didn't do so. It was on one of these excursions that Giant Regan sneaked in behind the opposition defence and had the outrageous audacity to play a trick shot straight of the goalkeepers stomach, to gently caress his his knee and lift the ball over the goalkeeper to head into an empty net. 7-6 to the Giants. Giantadise.

And so it was, from the jaws of defeat the giants extracted a victory, and now look forward to what is sure to be a fruitful season full of victories, trophies and mid to low table finishes.