Galway Giants Update

Where are they now??
Galway Giants squad 08-09

Ronan Shaughnessy: From Australia to Austin, Cincinnati to Claremorris, Montreal to Mullingar, Shaughnessy has seen it all since his departure from the Giants. Has made regular guest appearances through subsequent years, still making trademark bursts from defence with catastrophic consequences for his team. Rumoured to be battling a serious weight problem despite being a regular gym monkey. He had been spotted in the Kingfisher up to three times a day with sessions lasting an average of four hours before his latest departure for Canada. Currently taking part in an Australian Rules tournament in Texas where the stadium announcer informs the crowd after each Shaughnessy score “Ronan is sponsored by Charcoal Grill”.

Trivia: Ronan finished runner-up to Gary Neville in a “Worst Sporting Facial Hair” poll conducted by Shoot magazine in 2010.

Kieran Coffey: Still flying the flag as one of only three remaining Giants. Also the last Giant employed by D.B. and Co. where he now has no competition to be “the boss today”. Coffey continues to be the rock at the heart of a leaky Giants defence which has gotten considerably worse as the years pass by. Still has an argument with the referee at the start of every game when he tries to bring his hurl onto the pitch. This seems to have a positive effect on Coffey though, as he starts every game willing to run through brick walls for the Giants. Showed his skilful side in last weeks game when curling a sweet shot from 25 yards into the top corner to draw the Giants level. Unfortunately the rest of the team then sat back and went on to lose 6-2 with Coffey being heard to mutter “This wouldn’t be let happen in Athenry, if only I had my f**king hurl”.

Trivia: Kieran finished second in the bi-annual “Who can climb through the smallest window in the office” competition in March ’09. The competition was won by Padraig Moran who was rumoured to be practising at home which was outside the rules of the competition at the time, leading to him being stripped of the gold crown awarded to the winner. Being the proud man that he is, Coffey refused to accept the crown. Enda Thornton duly accepted it having finished third and immediately tried to flick it onto his head but resulted in flicking it onto the roof of Crowes Bar on Bohermore where it remains and each Spring the rare barn swallow come to roost.

Declan Coyne: Men want to be him and women want to be with him. Galways answer to Ross O’ Carroll-Kelly, Coyne came to grow tired with “quaint little Galway” and upped and left for Dublin after the 09-10 season. Being the man-whore that he is he put a lot of thought into the type of image he wanted to portray to the ladies of Dublin. This led to him renting a plush home on the southside-sharing with a renowned GAA player, a multi-millionaire and a northsider; investing in (two) soft-top convertibles and mingling with celebs who have been known to rub shoulders (and more) with Rob Kearney and Baz-something (she’s the same person). Nasty tabloid rumours have been circulated that his job working with disabled children is just so he can use this to talk women into bed. However, all of the other Giants know this is the one area of his life where he is genuine. They also know that his reason for switching from Giants soccer to South Dublin Swans Aussie Rules is due to the short sleeve guernseys, “Sun’s out, guns out”.

Trivia: Declan was interviewed by the Sunday World before the ARFLI Grand Final this year where renowned sports journalist Roy Curtis-author of Richie McCaw’s “The Black Crow”; pulled no punches when it came to Coynes off the field incidents, mainly ‘BouncerEarFlicking-Gate outside Coppers’ and ‘What can you get done in the length of time it takes to play a game and a half of Pro Evo’. Curtis also questioned him on his less than impressive goal-scoring rate while a member of the Giants. “I don’t score goals, I score girls’ was Coynes predictable response before launching into a tone-deaf rendition of ‘It’s Business Time’ by Flight of the Conchords.

Barry Murphy: Another Giant remaining true to the cause, his defensive partnership with Coffey only conceding an average of 5 goals a game making the Giants a true force to be reckoned with. His willingness to shoot on sight over the past two games yielded a plethora of goals (one) and infuriated his team-mates making Murphy a vital part of this team. Some say he’s got it all, size (5’7” 160lbs), speed (18 sec-100m), and a nose for goal. Took the ‘10-‘11 season of the Giants off due to career-threatening (laser-eye) surgery, however, being the fighter he is he has battled back to reclaim his starting spot this year. Also, the Giants were stuck for numbers.

Trivia: Currently parking aeroplanes in Shannon airport, had a disastrous moment last week when he misplaced his hi-vis yellow jacket and table tennis bats registering him unable to work.

Martin Hanley: Won joint player of the season with Padraig Moran in 08-09 and also finished runner up to the infamous Troy Nathan in ‘Galways most desireable sportsman 2009’. At the awards ceremony in Halo nightclub which was attended by Galways bright young things including Jay O’ Shea and Mark ‘Mindless Violence’ Hanly, a drunken Hanley wobbled onstage, grabbed the microphone from Sile Seoige and told the audience that if Nathan could come over here and steal Hanleys spotlight then Hanley could do the same to him. It is now common knowledge that Martin had earlier been in attendance at a card game in 15 Forster Court and ended up ‘On the bus’. This may explain his tired and emotional state that infamous night. Following through on his threat to Nathan, Hanley jetted off to the southern hemisphere and after months of living the playboy lifestyle and generally trying to outdo Troy, he mentioned to a lady in conversation “WhereyafromWhereyafromWhereyafrom. I’m much hotter than that Troy Nathan fellow of yours aren’t I??” She responded with “Stone the flaming crows. You’re in Australia mate, Nathan’s a bloody Kiwi. Streuth” Sheepishly, Hanley returned home.

Trivia: Affectionately known as Benjamin, Hanley is now residing in Ballsbridge and is a regular and recognisable face on the Dublin social scene due to his fondness for tight and white. Made an unwanted appearance in the gossip ‘mags’ one night when he applied three different types of hair gel and the concoction ended up curdling in his hair, making his dark mane look slightly strange. More magazine went with ‘Benjamins disastrous dandruff dilemma’.

Mike Cawley: Another Giant forced into emigration due to the current financial climate, Cawley appeared angrier than most and pushed for a Greek style protest in the months before his departure. Unable to get the backing of enough people to storm Sligos financial centre, Cawley enjoyed one last race week in Galway-and spent a considerable amount of time under the stairs in 15 Forster Court- before hopping on a plane for Melbourne shouting ‘Burn the f**king bond-holders’ to anyone within earshot. It was on the last leg of his flight from Abu Dhabi to Melbourne that Cawley began his friendship with Danny Cipriani who was on his way to his new team in Melbourne. Rumour has it that he has teamed up with Cipriani causing havoc in Melbourne night-spots. Cawley causes a diversion-usually claiming some girl has lost her bindy-and while the bouncers backs are turned, Cipriani leans over the bar and swipes several bottles of vodka. Apparently next summer the terrible twosome are going to bring this act to Galway and then proceed to go ‘bushing’ at the Spanish Arch afterwards.

Trivia: While on his travels Cawley gave up shaving and grew a very impressive beard drawing comparisons with Leo Moran from the Saw Doctors. Quite often he was mistaken as the Galway musician and went along with it ‘for the craic’ resulting in hilarious consequences, especially when someone produced a guitar. Cawley-posing as Moran-pretended he was shy when apart from the rest of the band and would only play a version of ‘My Lovely Horse’ from Father Ted. This kept the fans happy in most cases except for two Bolivian fans of the Saw Doctors who had never heard of Father Ted. They ripped off their Feile ’92 t-shirts vowing never to listen to the Saw Doctors again.

Mike Brett: The third remaining original member of the Galway Giants Lord Brett is the financial backer of the team i.e. the only one with enough room on his credit card to pay the registration fee. Even Lords are being mindful of the current economic climate though as Lord Brett was the instigator of the Giants-Astro.ie lockout in early September. After Brett threatened the league organisers with ten weeks of hard labour they caved into his demands and let the Giants in for a nominal fee. Over the previous years he has substantially increased his manor in Clos Ard (he added a downstairs toilet) and purchased a fancy car with rumours doing the rounds that he has employed Jimmy Norman as his midweek driver.

Trivia: A renowned lover of the finer things in life such as sexy cars, fast women, fine scotch and cigars, Brett also has a keen eye for business. Got involved in a risky venture in near his hometown trying to grow some vines and produce a Cabernet Sligo. This venture failed miserably though considering Sligo gets as many hours of sun per year as the south of France gets in a day. This led Brett to invest his money solely in antique furniture in the future where he has a reputation as having an eye for a bargain.

Enda Thornton: Captain Flick. The Flickmeister. Call him what you will, he’ll ignore you and continue to flick all day long. His motto being “Sure, it might come off sometime”. Thornton got married earlier this year becoming the first Giant to do so. Got in trouble with his wife on their wedding day by trying to flick the ring onto her finger which had disastrous consequences-the ring rolled under the altar and the wedding was delayed for 20 minutes while everyone searched to recover it. However this has not diminished his fondness of flicking. Making an appearance for the Midwest Magpies in September, Thornton set a record for flicks per game of 2,366, beating the previous record of three set by Barry Hall in 2005.

Trivia: Enda was initially thought to be a true Giant and return for the new season, however, in his own words he had “second thoughts about the price because he got a cold last year”. This outrageous statement has only further added to Thorntons reputation as being the Giants version of Balotelli. That and he likes to throw darts at people after a few drinks.

Padraig Moran: Joint player of the season with Hanley in ’08-’09 the Kilconly man caused trouble for every defence in the league ending up as top goalscorer. The following season though he concentrated on his hometown club under pressure not to be playing that ‘foreign sport’ and only made a few appearances showing glimpses of his undoubted class. Has since moved to Dublin but returns home for club games during the year. Earlier this year in a pre-season friendly against Kilmaine it was widely wondered how he’d react coming up against former teammates Murphy and Shaughnessy. It proved to be a bit of a damp squib as Murphy sat on the bench for the full game only moving to act as waterboy, but what a waterboy. Shaughnessy however was another matter. As the ball was thrown in Moran made a bee-line for Shaughnessy akin to Roy Keane-Marc Overmars in 2001. Moran launched himself into a sliding tackle when the ball wasn’t even within 25 yards and took Shaughnessy out. The hometown referee agreed with Moran when he said that he slipped and no action was taken. Shaughnessy was so rattled that it took two full emergency cans of Coca Cola before he felt right again. Moran 1, Shaughnessy 0.

Trivia: Padraig was involved in Kilconlys foray into the world of Celebrity Banisteoir where Breffni Morgan of The Apprentice fame took control of the club. Unimpressed by Morgan, Moran showed little respect for his Banisteoir until that fateful day in week three when arriving early to training he saw Morgan setting up the cones for shuttle runs listening to ABBAs greatest hits on his iPod. A secret fan since his teens, Moran enjoyed a discussion about the ‘good old days of pop music’ and the two went from strength to strength. Unfortunately Kilconly didn’t win the competition but the two remain close friends.

Galway Giants 2011 /12

Galway Giants 2011 /12

The Galway Giants made a late yet triumphant return on the galway six a side soccer scene. An injection of fresh blood mixed with vast quantities of experience overpowered a hapless 'Shower of cuntasoiri'

The game got off to a positive start with experienced giant, Adrian Coyne casually banging in a goal from a distance of over a yard. A trawl through historical galway giant documentation has identified this as the shortest range finish from any giant. Wow, what a performer.

Giant Adrian Mannion soon got in on the act with a cool finish after some great approach play. 2-0 and the giants are hitting the ground running. Seasoned giant, Lord Michael Brett arrived late (he needed to evict some poor people from one of his properties, 'poor f***ing scum' he was heard muttering as he made his entrance to the pitch). These distractions had no effect however on Giant Brett, as within minutes of taking the field he powered in a shot passed the goalkeeper. 3 - 0 and the giants are cruising. Giantastic!!!

Giant Mannion soon proved that his feat of top goalscorer last season was no fluke, when he latched on to a pass and poked the ball cooly into the back of the net. 4-0, Giantiriffic!!! Then giant Brett's mazy dribble ended in another goal. Newcomer, Giant John Regan, taking a rest on the side of the field was heard to say 'Wow, he's only one man.... but what a man!' 5-0 and the giants in complete control. Giantilicious!!!

What happened next still remains a mystery to the galway giants. The giants slowly began to see their handsome five goal lead slip away. A well worked goal by 'Shower of Cuntasoiri' brought the game to 5-1. Shortly after Giant Coyne was in the process of clearing the ball away from his own penalty area when a simultaneous call from all 6 other giants was heard, 'Adrian, try and chip the ball over the striker and start one of your trademark high speed counterattacks that usually end in you or one your teammates scoring a goal, or coming close to scoring a goal with a well placed shot or header.' Needless to stay Giant Coyne had too much respect for his fellow giants to ignore such a simultaneous call, and against his better judgement he tried to chip the ball over the oncoming striker, only to see his chip intercepted where the oncoming attacker was left with the simple task of slotting the ball past the keeper, Giant Barry Murphy...bad giants...very bad giants. 5-2

Casual play in the Giants defence let the opposition in for another before half time. 5-3 and the giants are shook.

Stern words from spiritual leader, Giant Kieran Coffee were uttered at half time. Giant Coffee and new Giant, Gavan O'Brien were the man mountains that stood between the giants and utter annihilation at the back. Their no nonsense brand of hard hitting tackles, enthusiastic tracking back, crunching headers and utterly aimless passing out of defence were a sight to behold. Fuelled by his powerful performance, Giant Coffee laid into his giants 'How dare yee let these Portumna f***ers come down here and out-hurle us in our own patch?' That said it all.

With Coffees words still ringing in their ears, the giants took to the field. Like a fine wine, Coffees words took time to mature, as giants fell asleep at the back to let the opposition in again. 5-4. Giantaholics.

The equaliser came soon after. Keeper, Giant Barry Murphy who at this stage had put in a monumental performance with up one saves to his his name, let his concentration slip as wayward pass out of defence was intercepted, squared and tapped into Murphy's vacated goal. The team all gathered round giant Murphy to console him on such a horrible effort, when, to their communal disgust they discovered Giant Murphy finishing his now long running conversation with his newly found She-Devil girlfriend..'yeah baby girl, i love you too..relationships are the way forward'.

The giants needed time to 'be themselves and centre', but alas before they could, Giant Coffee put the ball past his own keeper, after stetching a long leg at a ball. Keeper, Giant Murphy taken completely out of the game by a passer asking if that was in fact was an iphone, with giant murphy explaining 'it's practically free on an 18 month contract with just 18 easy payments of €59.99'.
5-5. Giantmageddon!!!

The giants fell behind soon after to a well worked goal. 5-6. It's all fallen apart.

6-6. He's done it. Giant Coyne has beaten his own record by driving in a ball from half a yard. He's breaking records like nobodys business. Giantrageous!

A collection of ten one minute tense periods followed each other, one after the other. Giant O'Brien chose this most tense time to prove himself to his fellow giants (and father figure Giant Coyne) and weld the bonds to his new found team-mates and in his words 'my new best friends' by leading from the back with smart assured defending, dominating the skies with his gangly frame. Giant O'Brien had eased his way into the game after appearing earlier on like a bit of a rabbit caught in the headlights. Indeed Giant O'Brien was heard to utter the words 'Is that a rabbit in the headlights?' several times on the way to the game, sending a wave of alarm through the fellow giants in his travelling party. Giant O'Briens early confusion can however be attributed to the fact that the Tuam native wasn't wearing his trademark glasses (not quite Bono trademark glasses, think more 'Paul' from 'the wonder years' trademark glasses). However Giant O'Brien in conjunction with Giants Coffee and Murphy ensured no more goals went into the giants net for the rest of the game, leaving the giants considerable attacking talents to flaunt their stuff.

Giant Mannion soon got on the end of a through ball after great work by giants Regan and Brett however in front of an open goal he dragged his shot left and wide of the post. Giant Mannion was clearly still upset following an early incident involving a player from a neighboring pitch retrieving a football, who after laying his eyes upon fire haired mannion, asked 'Are you the ginger one from the sex and the city?'

Needless to say the giants manned up and moved on, with the stage set for new giant John Regan to make the telling contribution of the game. Giant Regan who ran to the game from his city centre home performed the unusual ritual of running a lap of the pitch each time the ball went out of play, proclaiming he would tighten up if he didn't do so. It was on one of these excursions that Giant Regan sneaked in behind the opposition defence and had the outrageous audacity to play a trick shot straight of the goalkeepers stomach, to gently caress his his knee and lift the ball over the goalkeeper to head into an empty net. 7-6 to the Giants. Giantadise.

And so it was, from the jaws of defeat the giants extracted a victory, and now look forward to what is sure to be a fruitful season full of victories, trophies and mid to low table finishes.

Player Profile - Adrian Coyne

Player Profile

Name: Adrian Coyne
D.O.B.: 24th April 1984
Hometown: Kilmaine, Co. Mayo
Occupation: Unemployed



Position: Always offensive, never defensive
Strengths: okay at the guitar and computers
Weaknesses: Everything else



Player Bio: A former star of the Ballinrobe Town underage system, Coyne returned home to Galway in the summer of 2010 overweight and lacking match practice. However a strong off season with Ryan Hanley under the tutelage of Michael Brett set the foundation for a strong pre season. However Coyne's pre season did not follow suit from his off season and this form has carried on to his regular season perfromances with the Giants. Often carried by his team mates, Coynes is fast proving to be a liability and a heavy burden for his team mates to carry.

FACT: Although the average distance ran in a 6 a side soccer match is 5,250 metres, Coyne regulary returns figures of between 1,500 and 1,750 metres.

The King Returns

Excitement and Anticipation is falling over the Galway Giants camp this weekend with the imminent return of star utility player Ronan Shaughnessy. Often compared to fellow Irish man, John O'Shea, for his ability to play effectively in a wide variety of roles from Goalkeeper to Striker, Shaughnessy has just recently returned from a unsuccessful stint in North America. Although his North American career got off to a good start with him and his team, Kellys Legion, winning their first two games, Shaughnessy returned home mid season, 2 and 9 and with a misely two goals to his name. With confidence at an all time low, it remains to be seen if Shaughnessy will be called upon for tomorrow nights upcoming game. However with injuries to Barry Murphy and Kieran Coyne (Ankle and Hamstring), Enda Thornton struggling with 'fitness' and both David Mulligan and Adrian Coyne both struggling to find any sort of form, Shaughnessy might be thrown into the fray sooner then expected. If he is, Shaughnessy, pictured here in action for Galway Aussie rules team, the Midwest Magpies, will be looking to hit the ground running and turn the Giants equally dismal season around.

Mouch makes winning return

The Galway Giants recorded their second win of the campaign and their second win in a row with a professional performance against another poor opposition, this time it was Black Cats 2009. The Giants welcomed back and old face to team in Barry Mouch Murphy. It was the afforementioned (pictured her kissing fellow Giant, David Mulligan) that got the Giants of to the perfect start with a beautifully taken goal after some delightful play involving most of the Giants team. The Giants never really looked back after that although they did have their shaky moments including some dubious defending of a corner kick for the first conceded goal and some overplay of the ball for the second. Most of the giants play, while at times unaesthic to watch, was positive and was causing the Cats untold grief midfield and at the back. The Giants did at times however put some beautiful plays together with Coyne (who operated in Midfield in the second half and to great effect) combining well with Brett and Mannion with the result often an attempt at goal. Only for some fine keeping by the Cats Keeper the Giants could have one this by more the 5 -2 margain that they did. The Giants defence was solid all night with Coyne, Coffey and Shaughnessy all in impressice form while up front Mulligan took his goals beautifully. Mouch was a constant treat up front and only for him having to retire to goal for the second half, he could have had himself a goal or two more. Mannion, who is starting to prove himself as an Xabi Alonso like figure with some crisp passing and give and goes formed a dangerous offensive treat from midfield with the ever skillful Michael Brett.

Galway Giants Squad 2009/2010

The Galway Giants Squad;

• Michael Brett (Midfielder)
  
• Kieran Coffey (Defender)
  
• Declan Coyne (Defender/Midfielder)
  
• Adrian Mannion (Midfielder)
  
• Padraic Moran (Midfielder/Forward)
  
• David Mulligan (Forward)
• Ronan Shaughnessy (Defender)
  
• Enda Thornton (Forward)

players profiles of all the above will be posted soon

Galway Giants First Victory

Galway Giants recorded their first victory of the new 2009 / 2010 season with a 10 - 5 win over a poor Duolog Dodgers side on Monday evening last the 5th October 2009. Although this was the third game into the new season it was first time The Giants lined out with a full squad albeit many still lacking match fitness and sharpness. Although they will be upset at having conceded so many goals, there were many positives to be taken from the game. David Mulligan was particulary impressive up front finishing all three of his goals nicely while Padraic Moran was a force in midfield breaking up many Duolog attacks and creating chances of his own while at the same time creating an succesful outlet for many of the long balls played in over the Duolog defence. Thornton worked well up front showing alot of hard work and running in particular for his goal which came completely from his own hard doing. Mannion was a solid performer all night as was Shaughnessy, Coyne and Coffey in defence. Michael Brett was his usual menacing himself causing alot of confusion for Duolog with his mesmorising runs into the heart of their defence.